While going thru the nonsense business of "finding myself", I realize that I all too easily get wrapped up in the challenges Im facing, rather than on challenges Ive overcome! The last few years I have been having a real hard time figuring out (and sticking with) what is important to me, what I value, what and who I want in my life, what I envision for my future, and what I should be doing to be a productive and contributive member of society and the WORLD, really! Its all very overwhelming and I find myself being indecisive, changing my mind on things I could have SWORN I had already had set in stone....
And thru all the temper tantrums, crying fits, emotional breakdowns and millions of questions asked of myself and others, I will ALWAYS have a few select friends, close family members and JOHN just patiently and supportively waiting for me to get it all figured out. Im sure that there are a few people (mom...dad...) who care deeply for me, wishing that they could figure it out FOR me, give me life's answers and words of wisdom. However, they know and I know that only I can discover these on my own.
I am truly blessed to have this solid man in my life who, thru it all, tries to be as supportive as he can, and give me as much freedom as I need to get these things figured out. All of it is a test to our relationship, to our unconditional love for eachother. We try to remember, as we bulldoze the great roadblocks that are placed in the path of our relationship, that in the end there is always the true gift in knowing that we can overcome anything and our love and devotion to eachother will last forever (we hope. heehee.)
I know this because (among many other things) at the end of each school week I am incredibly anxious to return home. After work on the weekends I am STILL excited to return home. At night Im content and comforted to fall asleep next to him, and to wake up feeling the same way. Even DURING a big blow-out argument, no matter HOW pissed off or hurt we are, we always just know, in the back of our minds, that we will be okay. We always are! We will hug, kiss, make our appologies, and talk in real terms how to adjust things to make it so that we dont upset eachother again. Then all will be right with the world (at least OUR world.) Heehee. We both know that it's good to "fight", to work out the bugs, "nip them in the bud", so on...as soon as problems arise so the finished product (marraige) is suitable for us both.
Our relationship has grown so much since we began our journy close to four years ago! So many compromises have been made, tweekings and adjustments that dont just happen overnight - that take some work and serious, conscious effort. In the end, we still dont have the perfect relationship, but we have a custom-built love, created in a way to satisfy our own individual needs and desires. Aw yes, the sheer cheesiness of it all....
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
Rethinking My Opinions
Alright. So I was mowing the lawn today and just got to thinking about whats really happening in the world right now. Not just in my life, but MANY human beings. It all started when the protests and riots began on Tuesday, which was largely due to the radical voice of Zack De Le Rocha of Rage Against The Machine.
I have been a HUGE fan of RATM since I was in 7th grade. However, let me make this clear: I AM NOT a radical myself. I am NOT an anarchist. I am all for having a government system. I just feel this system could be tweaked quite a bit.
Looking back, I was reminded of how much of a little activist I once was myself. I have always had strong opinions and once had strong, educated political opinions. I used to be terrified of war. I had nightmares that planes would bomb my house and we'd be tossed in concentration camps. I had it in my head that I was born to join the Peace Corps and travel to 3rd world countries to help fight poverty and injustice.
I once wrote up a petition and had almost all 5th graders sign their names to it because I KNEW I wasnt the only one fed up with the killer gym floor they forced us to do sit-ups on every day. All I wanted was for the large mats to be laid lown for us to use during gym class. I remember that when I showed it to Mr.McCullough he laughed at me and turned me down. DICK. I wonder what he ever did with that petition....
Then after attending the RATM concert in Mnpls last night, listening to Zack speak, feeling the energy, seeing the protests and police by the hundreds in their full riot gear, I began to think about all the destruction happening in other countries and remembering the little rebel I once was. When did I start becoming so selfish? When did I begin to think that MY life was so hard? And why? I suppose its because America is set up that way. We arent supposed to worry about whats going on anywhere besides in our local area or state.
Maybe instead of worrying myself over MY future (which, no matter what I do, is going to be 10times brighter than a lot of others' future - entirely due to the fact that I am a white AMERICAN) I should put effort in to helping others. Once of the BEST things I have ever done with myself was to go on a mission trip to Mississippi with TreeHouse. I want to start doing that again. I could go somewhere every summer. Theres no real reason why I cant. I can raise the money. Ive done it before.
Something else Ive been seriously considering this semester has been that once I am thru with school, I should use my education as a liscensed social worker to find resources for immigrants. It seems to me (from speaking with them) that the majority of immigrants come to this country is to ESCAPE their own. They dont go thru all the trouble to move here on a whim or because they have nothing BETTER to do or because they are bored of where they were residing.
Maybe instead of destructing other countries while trying to build them up, we (US Govnt) could set up large camps of American Peace Corps with a few appointed armed gaurds for each camp. I understand that the terrorists demolished a sliver of our country, but do we have to LEVEL theirs? We can show these people a better way of life without bringing tanks, cant we?
And it seems to me (uneducated opinion, here) that America has so much technology these days that we should be able to pinpoint who these terrorists are, zoom in on them and destroy THEM. I understand people are worried that their friends and families left behind will carry on the terrorism but you cant DESTROY terrorism. Terrorism is not a living, breathing thing. It will carry on no matter how much blood is shed, limbs are lives are lost.
Also, going back to something I said in a previous blog....I stated something along the lines of "soldiers need to quit complaining about the war... they are the ones who signed up in the first place...." BUT after educating myself a bit more, I have realized that most soldiers signed up in high school or shortly afterwards, given promises of bashing in the skulls of terrorists and freeing the people of Iraq.
All that seemed really cool at 17-19! ESPECIALY if it was shortly after the events of 9-11! That age group is still EXTREMELY inpressionable. Joining up seems really cool when a 20-some, handsom, tan and muscular dude shows up to your HIGH SCHOOL, attracting the attention of all the chicks in the place. I wonder how many kids took the time to read the fine print on the documents they signed their lives away on. I feel that many of those boys (and girls) were mislead and/or taken advantage of. ALSO, I have learned that many soldiers signed up for X amount of time and were forced to stay longer or be re-deployed.
So I appologize to anyone I may have offended by spouting off uneducated, thoughtless opinions. I sometimes forget to do my research before I go yammerin' on about something I, at the time, feel very strongly about.
I have been a HUGE fan of RATM since I was in 7th grade. However, let me make this clear: I AM NOT a radical myself. I am NOT an anarchist. I am all for having a government system. I just feel this system could be tweaked quite a bit.
Looking back, I was reminded of how much of a little activist I once was myself. I have always had strong opinions and once had strong, educated political opinions. I used to be terrified of war. I had nightmares that planes would bomb my house and we'd be tossed in concentration camps. I had it in my head that I was born to join the Peace Corps and travel to 3rd world countries to help fight poverty and injustice.
I once wrote up a petition and had almost all 5th graders sign their names to it because I KNEW I wasnt the only one fed up with the killer gym floor they forced us to do sit-ups on every day. All I wanted was for the large mats to be laid lown for us to use during gym class. I remember that when I showed it to Mr.McCullough he laughed at me and turned me down. DICK. I wonder what he ever did with that petition....
Then after attending the RATM concert in Mnpls last night, listening to Zack speak, feeling the energy, seeing the protests and police by the hundreds in their full riot gear, I began to think about all the destruction happening in other countries and remembering the little rebel I once was. When did I start becoming so selfish? When did I begin to think that MY life was so hard? And why? I suppose its because America is set up that way. We arent supposed to worry about whats going on anywhere besides in our local area or state.
Maybe instead of worrying myself over MY future (which, no matter what I do, is going to be 10times brighter than a lot of others' future - entirely due to the fact that I am a white AMERICAN) I should put effort in to helping others. Once of the BEST things I have ever done with myself was to go on a mission trip to Mississippi with TreeHouse. I want to start doing that again. I could go somewhere every summer. Theres no real reason why I cant. I can raise the money. Ive done it before.
Something else Ive been seriously considering this semester has been that once I am thru with school, I should use my education as a liscensed social worker to find resources for immigrants. It seems to me (from speaking with them) that the majority of immigrants come to this country is to ESCAPE their own. They dont go thru all the trouble to move here on a whim or because they have nothing BETTER to do or because they are bored of where they were residing.
Maybe instead of destructing other countries while trying to build them up, we (US Govnt) could set up large camps of American Peace Corps with a few appointed armed gaurds for each camp. I understand that the terrorists demolished a sliver of our country, but do we have to LEVEL theirs? We can show these people a better way of life without bringing tanks, cant we?
And it seems to me (uneducated opinion, here) that America has so much technology these days that we should be able to pinpoint who these terrorists are, zoom in on them and destroy THEM. I understand people are worried that their friends and families left behind will carry on the terrorism but you cant DESTROY terrorism. Terrorism is not a living, breathing thing. It will carry on no matter how much blood is shed, limbs are lives are lost.
Also, going back to something I said in a previous blog....I stated something along the lines of "soldiers need to quit complaining about the war... they are the ones who signed up in the first place...." BUT after educating myself a bit more, I have realized that most soldiers signed up in high school or shortly afterwards, given promises of bashing in the skulls of terrorists and freeing the people of Iraq.
All that seemed really cool at 17-19! ESPECIALY if it was shortly after the events of 9-11! That age group is still EXTREMELY inpressionable. Joining up seems really cool when a 20-some, handsom, tan and muscular dude shows up to your HIGH SCHOOL, attracting the attention of all the chicks in the place. I wonder how many kids took the time to read the fine print on the documents they signed their lives away on. I feel that many of those boys (and girls) were mislead and/or taken advantage of. ALSO, I have learned that many soldiers signed up for X amount of time and were forced to stay longer or be re-deployed.
So I appologize to anyone I may have offended by spouting off uneducated, thoughtless opinions. I sometimes forget to do my research before I go yammerin' on about something I, at the time, feel very strongly about.
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